The first time you REALLY get drunk with someone is a memory to cherish.
I had planned a small get together with 20 of my closest friends at a local Irish pub - a get together that I pre-partied for via two glasses of wine shared with my mother when I dropped off my son at her house, and continued through 1 40 of Mickey's that I shared with DD in the car prior to even entering the bar.
I was feeling pret.ty good before even walking in to greet my friends.
The great and terrible thing about birthday at bars are that people buy your drinks like it's their JOB.
You mix shots with fruity drinks with beer with...oh my.
The bonus of the evening that I can remember is that DD holds his own remarkably well in a crowd of mostly strangers. I don't have to babysit him, he doesn't follow me around and I find that I AM the one making my way over to him for some drunky smooches more often than I would have expected.
Things get a little foggy towards the end of the night, but I do find myself outside either chatting or observing chat with a couple of friends when DD hugs me from behind. I turn, lean into him, and nearly pass out on the spot.
"Are you okay?" he asks, pulling me away from him to look at me.
I shake my head "no" apparently unable to speak.
"Do you want to go home?" he asks.
I nod my head "yes."
He laughs and says "okay, let's go say goodbye to your friends" and parades my drunk ass around for goodbyes.
Somehow we get lost on the way home (he tells me the next day that I gave him bad directions). I am in and out of consciousness, although he pulls over once when I think I might puke up the salad, piece of pizza and various forms of liquid libations I've indulged in that evening.
Unfortunately, he's not pulled over when my body finally decides to purge itself.
I recall him saying "oh, lord..."
The next thing I recall is being drunkenly mortified, closing my eyes and telling him to drive and that I will take care of it.
I shower to get myself clean, wrap myself in a towel, dig out the clorox wipes and march outside to fix one of the more horrific things I've ever done in the presence of new boyfriend.
I'm not sure how long I spent cleaning the door and bottom of his car, but I know that when I finally return upstairs, he is asleep on my bed.
Happy Birthday, Little Red. Good job. You are clearly older and wiser.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Dear jealousy, take a friggin' hike...
I am sitting at my desk one morning last week, reflecting on the fun birthday weekend and dutifully trolling facebook when I see that my man-friend has sent me a message. I grin, read it quickly...and stop grinning.
The message reads:
"Not to be paranoid but went to rsvp since im about to go to the dentist, but what is this about?
Hot Lawyer:
Damn, I won't be able to make it. Have a good birthday anyway. I do expect that we all meet up in August several time since that will be my month of debauchery and liquor.
June 23 at 3:10pm
Little Red:
bring on the month of debauchery! i've been waiting for this for MONTHS...I guess you probably have too...
Friday at 12:39pm ·
I even looked up the meaning of debauchery to double check to see if i thought it meant something it didnt but here is what I found.....
debauchery:(plural debaucheries)
1.Indulgence in sensual pleasures; scandalous activities involving sex, alcohol, or drugs without inhibition.
2.(archaic) Seduction from duty.
So I guess an explanation would be helpfull of what this means....."
The context of the re-post is from the little facebook event I created to invite people out to a bar to celebrate my birthday. Hot lawyer, who you may recall from earlier posts, was referencing a joke made by me regarding his very limited ability to have any fun between his graduation, the bar and his enlisting in the marines.
Now, let me just tell you that I read DD's little message and had a knee-jerk, intense "I don't have to fucking explain ANYTHING to you, sir" reaction. I don't like to be questioned, and this smacked of jealous stupidity.
However, I thought, I can nip this in the bud playfully and replied:
" [DD] I love you and you are very paranoid. I'll elaborate on the reference if you feel like you need to ask me again in person...which i hope you don't. :-) Hope that tooth has an easy fix and not a painful expensive one (though I know how those dentist things can go). xoxo."
I thought this was light-hearted, loving but firm in my belief that I should NOT be being questions about this ridiculousness and he should take a flippin' hint.
He clearly did not take it lovingly when he hopped on facebook chat to say:
"wtf? I ask for an explanation and I get your paranoid, I hope you dont need me to elaborate...whatever Lindsey its an easy question to answer but if its beneath you then I guess I probably am as well..."
WHOA! Whoa, little doggy, whoa. Did we just jump to a fighting place? I'm so caught off guard by this reaction that I don't even respond. He signs off and I text him:
"I don't know how to respond to this. I don't understand why you would questions me about something that is clearly benign or think that I would post on my FACEBOOK anything less than above board content"
He doesn't text me back.
I am utterly taken aback by this turn of events and spend the afternoon reading and re-reading my comments, his comments, the comments that spurred the reaction and concluding that, whole-heartedly, I am not wrong. I can make a joke, and my boyfriend, after spending three days of birthday fun, should not, for even an INSTANT, assume I am bitchy or callous enough to flirt with another man ON MY FACEBOOK for the world to see. I can see how it might seem ambiguous to the untrained eye, but...his eye should be trained.
Hey you little jealousy red flag. I know I'd see you rear up your ugly ass head.
I try and chalk up the behavior to the fact that DD has an infected tooth which he is getting PULLED with very little numbing...I think this has addled his brain. I PRAY this has addled his brain.
He get online later and tells me that the tooth is gone and he's got some major pain-killers on board (thank God, maybe he's mellowed, I think).
DD: my mood is much improved than say an hour ago..
Me: better living through chemicals..
DD: sorry to dent your good vibrations..
Me: eh. was bound to happen at some point. :-)
(See, I'm trying to lighten the mood. This was no reason to fight...)
DD: I assume you again dont understand why I would even ask?..
(Oh, dammit)
Me: i honestly don't understand how after all the time we've been spending together, after such a glorious weekend, and the kind of person you claim to believe I am, that you would think that there was even a second of your time worth spent worrying or asking about a facebook wall post that could ONLY be in reference to something benign...
(I got on to explain the reference. my nipping in the bud moment has passed, might as well make him feel guilty about something this stupid)
DD: I dont think your cheating on me or even considering it by anymeans, but joking around with some dude with sexual overtones does falls in the grey area and I have made it very clear how I feel about that.. I just thought I had earned enough respect from you to not have to deal with that shit. Apparently not..
(oh my jesus. oh my sweet jesus. Really?! Don't pick a fight with me, sir. You will lose and you will lose bad. And now you're just annoying me because I don't understand and this is dumb.)
Me: I'm sorry if it offended you. I am crystal clear on your issues with respect and gray area...but we may need to talk more about what falls in that gray area. I think I have a pretty good handle on reasonable v. unreasonable, but you appear to disagree. I certainly would not be so callous to put something on my wall that I KNEW you would see if I thought it was offensive...
(please, see reason. please don't be a stupid jealous idiot. I like you SO much)
DD: I would hope you werent having banter with other men that had sexual overtones whether or not I could see itmaybe I am a little sensitive to that type of stuff, but I dont do it. I guess thats the whole nothing is completely platonic theory, but its not respectful, and you have been very insensitive to anything I bring up which is irritating as wellIts like your trying to make me feel stupid about it, and then turning it around on me like I think your someone who would cheat which is not at all what I said...
(And....I'm out of rational ways to talk about this subject. I go to a gut place of "I don't understand this nonsense, it's stupid and I can't talk to you about it becuase you're WRONG" and this seems like a bad train to set in motion, so instead, I say:)
Me:Let's talk about this in person, please. I don't want to be insensitive but I need to think about this. I don't want you to be unhappy and I don't understand this right now...
I had to walk away. If I didn't walk away I wouldn't have been nice anymore. As it is, we discuss getting together that evening when DD drops this little gem on me in parting:
DD: I will text you later if I feel like coming over to talk.
Now, he could have meant "...if I feel like coming over to talk since I had a tooth ripped from my gums and don't feel good" but I take it as "keep you night open and if i deign to come discuss this with you, I'll let you know"
to which, my lovely basic instincts think "stay home, buddy. don't do me any favors"
I go to a spin class to work off my confusion and annoyance, but I only get more confused by how the day has spun out of control. When DD texts me sometime later and asks if I want him to come over, I skirt the question because, honestly, I DON'T want him to come over. I am all for a good battle, but not when I feel like the playing field is stupid. He clearly feels strongly about the subject, and is all worked up over it, and I think it's retarded which will only make him angrier.
When I suggest that we just chat later in the week to buy myself some time to try and empathize - something I am currently incapable of doing - I get the following text:
"I don't think you're hearing me at all today. And this is much bigger than I want it to be."
I hope I'm not hearing him at all, I think as I take my son to the bathroom for a bath and ignore his text until I can think of a nice way to respond. I hope I've heard him wrong and he's not being a jealous angry person over nothing.
I put my son to bed and come out to another text:
"I'm packing my stuff and coming over to talk this out. I'm not letting it fester."
Interesting that he was the angry one but when I didn't jump to fix the world, he jumped to come fix it himself. I go and lay down with my son. I hear him come in some time later (I didn't respond to his text) and when my son is finally asleep and I emerge, he hands me a gin and tonic and walks towards my bedroom.
Great, we need alcohol for this "talk" huh?
"Tell me how I hurt you today?" he opens with.
I brighten a little. This is a good opening line.
I'll spare you the extended record of the account and simplify it to our basic platforms:
MY POV: jealousy is a trust issue. either you trust me or you think i'm capable of being an insensitive assface.
HIS POV: i trust you, but i don't want to be played a fool. I should have the right, as you should, to ask a simple clarification question.
Now, the sticking point that I finally give up on trying to make him understand is that by ASKING a question he is, in fact, casting doubt on my ability to be trusted or to conduct myself in a respectful manner.
However, he admits he's overly sensitive and will work on that. He doesn't understand my joking with guys...(" I want all the flirting and sex stuff to come my way")...which I understand but refute with the fact that I treat men and women the same.
I agree to try and be more understanding of what might bother him, but say he needs to communicate it in a better way than "explain yourself" to which I promise to almost always reply "no i will not."
At the conclusion of our first BIG TALK, I sigh and get ready for bed:
"this won't be the last time we fight about this" I realize.
He looks worried. "Are you okay with that? I don't want to screw this up."
I shrug. "If we can talk about it without getting MAD..." (I give him an eyeball) "...then we'll work through it. We just have to communicate better."
He's a hothead, that much I know and he's admitted. Wears his heart on his sleeve. I am going to spend some time thinking about how to diffuse or stay away from the hotness until the moment has passed and he can be the sweet reasonable adult that I spend 98% of my time with.
"You've never been jealous?" he prods as I crawl into bed next to him. I give him a quick grin.
'Nope. I assume if someone is with me it's becuase they want to be with ME and not someone else or they would do something about it."
He groans, clearly unsatisfied by this answer.
I shrug again, deciding he'll either deal with his jealousy or he will find himself without a girlfriend at some point becuase he's let it consume him.
Heartless? Maybe. Practical? Always.
The message reads:
"Not to be paranoid but went to rsvp since im about to go to the dentist, but what is this about?
Hot Lawyer:
Damn, I won't be able to make it. Have a good birthday anyway. I do expect that we all meet up in August several time since that will be my month of debauchery and liquor.
June 23 at 3:10pm
Little Red:
bring on the month of debauchery! i've been waiting for this for MONTHS...I guess you probably have too...
Friday at 12:39pm ·
I even looked up the meaning of debauchery to double check to see if i thought it meant something it didnt but here is what I found.....
debauchery:(plural debaucheries)
1.Indulgence in sensual pleasures; scandalous activities involving sex, alcohol, or drugs without inhibition.
2.(archaic) Seduction from duty.
So I guess an explanation would be helpfull of what this means....."
The context of the re-post is from the little facebook event I created to invite people out to a bar to celebrate my birthday. Hot lawyer, who you may recall from earlier posts, was referencing a joke made by me regarding his very limited ability to have any fun between his graduation, the bar and his enlisting in the marines.
Now, let me just tell you that I read DD's little message and had a knee-jerk, intense "I don't have to fucking explain ANYTHING to you, sir" reaction. I don't like to be questioned, and this smacked of jealous stupidity.
However, I thought, I can nip this in the bud playfully and replied:
" [DD] I love you and you are very paranoid. I'll elaborate on the reference if you feel like you need to ask me again in person...which i hope you don't. :-) Hope that tooth has an easy fix and not a painful expensive one (though I know how those dentist things can go). xoxo."
I thought this was light-hearted, loving but firm in my belief that I should NOT be being questions about this ridiculousness and he should take a flippin' hint.
He clearly did not take it lovingly when he hopped on facebook chat to say:
"wtf? I ask for an explanation and I get your paranoid, I hope you dont need me to elaborate...whatever Lindsey its an easy question to answer but if its beneath you then I guess I probably am as well..."
WHOA! Whoa, little doggy, whoa. Did we just jump to a fighting place? I'm so caught off guard by this reaction that I don't even respond. He signs off and I text him:
"I don't know how to respond to this. I don't understand why you would questions me about something that is clearly benign or think that I would post on my FACEBOOK anything less than above board content"
He doesn't text me back.
I am utterly taken aback by this turn of events and spend the afternoon reading and re-reading my comments, his comments, the comments that spurred the reaction and concluding that, whole-heartedly, I am not wrong. I can make a joke, and my boyfriend, after spending three days of birthday fun, should not, for even an INSTANT, assume I am bitchy or callous enough to flirt with another man ON MY FACEBOOK for the world to see. I can see how it might seem ambiguous to the untrained eye, but...his eye should be trained.
Hey you little jealousy red flag. I know I'd see you rear up your ugly ass head.
I try and chalk up the behavior to the fact that DD has an infected tooth which he is getting PULLED with very little numbing...I think this has addled his brain. I PRAY this has addled his brain.
He get online later and tells me that the tooth is gone and he's got some major pain-killers on board (thank God, maybe he's mellowed, I think).
DD: my mood is much improved than say an hour ago..
Me: better living through chemicals..
DD: sorry to dent your good vibrations..
Me: eh. was bound to happen at some point. :-)
(See, I'm trying to lighten the mood. This was no reason to fight...)
DD: I assume you again dont understand why I would even ask?..
(Oh, dammit)
Me: i honestly don't understand how after all the time we've been spending together, after such a glorious weekend, and the kind of person you claim to believe I am, that you would think that there was even a second of your time worth spent worrying or asking about a facebook wall post that could ONLY be in reference to something benign...
(I got on to explain the reference. my nipping in the bud moment has passed, might as well make him feel guilty about something this stupid)
DD: I dont think your cheating on me or even considering it by anymeans, but joking around with some dude with sexual overtones does falls in the grey area and I have made it very clear how I feel about that.. I just thought I had earned enough respect from you to not have to deal with that shit. Apparently not..
(oh my jesus. oh my sweet jesus. Really?! Don't pick a fight with me, sir. You will lose and you will lose bad. And now you're just annoying me because I don't understand and this is dumb.)
Me: I'm sorry if it offended you. I am crystal clear on your issues with respect and gray area...but we may need to talk more about what falls in that gray area. I think I have a pretty good handle on reasonable v. unreasonable, but you appear to disagree. I certainly would not be so callous to put something on my wall that I KNEW you would see if I thought it was offensive...
(please, see reason. please don't be a stupid jealous idiot. I like you SO much)
DD: I would hope you werent having banter with other men that had sexual overtones whether or not I could see itmaybe I am a little sensitive to that type of stuff, but I dont do it. I guess thats the whole nothing is completely platonic theory, but its not respectful, and you have been very insensitive to anything I bring up which is irritating as wellIts like your trying to make me feel stupid about it, and then turning it around on me like I think your someone who would cheat which is not at all what I said...
(And....I'm out of rational ways to talk about this subject. I go to a gut place of "I don't understand this nonsense, it's stupid and I can't talk to you about it becuase you're WRONG" and this seems like a bad train to set in motion, so instead, I say:)
Me:Let's talk about this in person, please. I don't want to be insensitive but I need to think about this. I don't want you to be unhappy and I don't understand this right now...
I had to walk away. If I didn't walk away I wouldn't have been nice anymore. As it is, we discuss getting together that evening when DD drops this little gem on me in parting:
DD: I will text you later if I feel like coming over to talk.
Now, he could have meant "...if I feel like coming over to talk since I had a tooth ripped from my gums and don't feel good" but I take it as "keep you night open and if i deign to come discuss this with you, I'll let you know"
to which, my lovely basic instincts think "stay home, buddy. don't do me any favors"
I go to a spin class to work off my confusion and annoyance, but I only get more confused by how the day has spun out of control. When DD texts me sometime later and asks if I want him to come over, I skirt the question because, honestly, I DON'T want him to come over. I am all for a good battle, but not when I feel like the playing field is stupid. He clearly feels strongly about the subject, and is all worked up over it, and I think it's retarded which will only make him angrier.
When I suggest that we just chat later in the week to buy myself some time to try and empathize - something I am currently incapable of doing - I get the following text:
"I don't think you're hearing me at all today. And this is much bigger than I want it to be."
I hope I'm not hearing him at all, I think as I take my son to the bathroom for a bath and ignore his text until I can think of a nice way to respond. I hope I've heard him wrong and he's not being a jealous angry person over nothing.
I put my son to bed and come out to another text:
"I'm packing my stuff and coming over to talk this out. I'm not letting it fester."
Interesting that he was the angry one but when I didn't jump to fix the world, he jumped to come fix it himself. I go and lay down with my son. I hear him come in some time later (I didn't respond to his text) and when my son is finally asleep and I emerge, he hands me a gin and tonic and walks towards my bedroom.
Great, we need alcohol for this "talk" huh?
"Tell me how I hurt you today?" he opens with.
I brighten a little. This is a good opening line.
I'll spare you the extended record of the account and simplify it to our basic platforms:
MY POV: jealousy is a trust issue. either you trust me or you think i'm capable of being an insensitive assface.
HIS POV: i trust you, but i don't want to be played a fool. I should have the right, as you should, to ask a simple clarification question.
Now, the sticking point that I finally give up on trying to make him understand is that by ASKING a question he is, in fact, casting doubt on my ability to be trusted or to conduct myself in a respectful manner.
However, he admits he's overly sensitive and will work on that. He doesn't understand my joking with guys...(" I want all the flirting and sex stuff to come my way")...which I understand but refute with the fact that I treat men and women the same.
I agree to try and be more understanding of what might bother him, but say he needs to communicate it in a better way than "explain yourself" to which I promise to almost always reply "no i will not."
At the conclusion of our first BIG TALK, I sigh and get ready for bed:
"this won't be the last time we fight about this" I realize.
He looks worried. "Are you okay with that? I don't want to screw this up."
I shrug. "If we can talk about it without getting MAD..." (I give him an eyeball) "...then we'll work through it. We just have to communicate better."
He's a hothead, that much I know and he's admitted. Wears his heart on his sleeve. I am going to spend some time thinking about how to diffuse or stay away from the hotness until the moment has passed and he can be the sweet reasonable adult that I spend 98% of my time with.
"You've never been jealous?" he prods as I crawl into bed next to him. I give him a quick grin.
'Nope. I assume if someone is with me it's becuase they want to be with ME and not someone else or they would do something about it."
He groans, clearly unsatisfied by this answer.
I shrug again, deciding he'll either deal with his jealousy or he will find himself without a girlfriend at some point becuase he's let it consume him.
Heartless? Maybe. Practical? Always.
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