20 days later and nothing to show for it

Okay, my title is not ENTIRELY true. But I am going on my third weekend in a row without a date due chiefly to working the first weekend in February (darn private event industry eating into my weekends!), having my best friend in town last weekend, and...I have no excuse this weekend and I know it.

Here's something I've learned in the last 20 days: I am a total sucker for guys that play hard-to-get.

Example A: SmartyPants. Why won't this guy just ask me out!? I think his job keeps him as busy as mine does, and the flirting is non-stop, but I am READY.

Valentine's Day and I had planned to go home, drink a glass of wine and toast my singledom and go to sleep. Well, then I stumbled into some tickets to a show that a couple of my friends were singing/playing in at Crown Center, so I spent the morning feeling like the last single person on earth as I couldn't even pin down a FRIEND to go with me. Then, I thought, "hey, girl, balls up and see if SmartyPants has a hot date"

The following text conversation is verbatim, parentheticals are my thoughts:

Me: "Happy Singles Awareness Day!"
SP: "Thanks for reminding me!"
Me: "Misery loves company."
SP: "Is that supposed to cheer me up?"
Me: "No, but if it was then I would suck at cheering up. Hot date tonight?"
(this is CODE, dude, READ THE SUBTEXT)
SP: "Do YOU have a hot date tonight?"
(Would I be talking to you if I did? okay, maybe I would. I hate answering questions with questions)
Me: "Did you just answer a question with a question?"
SP: "Yes. I do that a lot."
(I don't answer because I don't know what to say. Twenty minutes later...)
SP: "But nice job of also avoiding answering MY question."
(oh lord, i don't play flirty coy well for long)
ME: "Alright, you win the who-can-be-coyer context. i stumbled backwards into two tickets for a musical cabaret show tonight. So...if you DON'T have a hot date...."
(this is ALSO code, dude, I'm asking you out, i KNOW you know it!)
SP:"....?"
(REALLY?! Really, you're going to make me come all the way out and ask you out on VALENTINE'S DAY for Christ's sake...bow out now if you don't wanna go! just do it! I waited thirty minutes, grew some balls, and then...)
Me: "Okay, if you say "hell no" to me on Valentine's Day and I stick my head in an oven as a result, that's on you. I want to meet you. Live and in person. Would you accompany me tonight?"
(A hundred points to me for being bold.)
SP: "Damn...where was this invitation last week? I'm working late tonight since everyone else had plans and I didn't have any."
(I die a little here in embarassment, but quickly...)
SP:"...but I agree with you. i want to meet you too. We should make that happen"
Me: "Well, I guess that a nice alternative to "hell, no" even if it IS still rejection on valentine's day."

So, then he's working late alot this week and we continue to exchange flirty texts. I appreciate he's busy, I was freaking busy too this week, which make me, in fact, like him more and get more frustrated by the situation on a daily basis.

Then last night I get a "whatcha up to, suga?" text at about 6 PM...and I missed it because my phone was in another room and I was watching a movie. And by the time I wrote back pretty much just that capped with a "hoppin' Saturday night?" he didn't ever text back. Now, granted, I did the same thing to him last weekend when my friend was in town, but what's a girl gotta do here?!

Is this what it feels like to date ME? I know i'm busy and I conduct myself in a similar fashion, so hot damn, it both makes a person crazy and, simultaneously, makes me want to meet him all the more.

I might have problems. Or, I'm also suddenly thinking about this article I read about women with commitment issues or who AREN'T read to settle down being attracted to unavailable men (i.e. married men, men in relationships, men with commitment problems) because, subconsciously they're "safe." that is, you know it's going nowhere.

I don't feel this way about SmartyPants. In fact, we're facebook friends, something I thought I would NOT be with anyone off match because, well, there are some inherent issues with it. He doesn't post on my wall, but I posted last Saturday on facebook that I had no desire to get out of bed and got a text that said "then don't" in response to my facebook post.

I'm thinking a lot about all of this, which clearly means I like him. I gotta get this pony show on the road. However, I also am not going to be the one to ask him out again which I did LAST week. He better figure that OUT.

In the meantime, the firefighter and I have stopped messaging. I was bored, and I think we could both tell there was no spark.

I got my first message from another single parent. He lives in Olathe and has two kids according to match. I messaged him back. I shall deem him Olathe Single Parent. OSP, unless a better nickname comes up.

Also got a message from a very cute ginger country boy who unfortunately lived in Topeka and I counted him out by virtue of distance and his raging country-ness. I seem to be attracting a lot of country boys. I don't know why or what this means, but they're the ones responding to my profile the most with lots of "i like your style"s which I find strange because I pretty much declare my independence, how liberal I am, and that I'm a little bit of a firecracker. These things seem opposite to most country boys I've known. I read THEIR profiles and go "ohhhhh no no no no no" to most of them. They generally all read about how hard working, man's man they are and how they like the outdoors and fishing. There are also tend to be a lot of "I work hard and play hard" lines in country boy profiles. This means they work hard and drink themselves silly.

I'm annoyed with SmartyPants today for this interminable text affair, so I will go troll Match in retaliation (this is stupid, but I don't care. It's what I'm about to do).

Case Study: The Guy That I CANNOT Imagine Any Girl Dating

Okay, Asre12, you popped up on my daily 5 today and I thought your picture was nerdy cute with your geeky hair, your glasses and the big goofy grin while you're holding the DVD of "The Notebook." This is clever, a little smartass and totally something that caught my attention.

Plus, I'm on a whole "more yeses" kick, so you also have that going for you. Then I read that you have a one-year-old daughter. Good for you. I'm also on a kick that I should be checking out more single parents/fathers as they can relate to time coming at a premium. You also say you're trying to get back into church, that you want your daughter to go to church. Dude, I appreciate that. I started back at church so my son could have a religious background (with which to make an informed decision as to whether religion was for him or not, mind you. i'm not about indoctrinating my youth)

I read your cute quippy profile with enough interest that my cursor is hovering over the "yes" button. I mean, why the hell not? I'm supposed to not overthink the daily 5. I am supposed to look, read, and click "yes", "no" or "maybe" based on the same gut reaction one begins to talk with someone at a bar except with even more information on board that THAT usually affords (this is how I'm not looking at this little exercise)

Except then, just curiously, I decide to click on the other 7 pictures you've posted. You, you snarky, father of a one year old (never married though - like me!)

What pictures have you posted? You and your frat buddies. You with beer bottles. You doing tool whiteboy gang signs or some nature. You NOT smiling but looking exactly like the dbag that would NOT get clicked on. And now, your snarky little picture looks like exactly what it is - an attempt to draw in the unsuspecting woman.

WHO CLICKS ON YOU?! I mean, I know women, I get it. Somebody clicks on you. Somebody winks at you. You're not bad looking, but I can see it in your pictures. You, sir, are a douchebag. And you want people to know it. And, you are preying upon women with your cheeky geeky photo with "the notebook" and your mention of church and your one year old daughter....because that guy in the 7 other pictures you CHOSE to post as representative of who you are? Yikes-a-moli. Get a better PR person, my friend.

The moral of the story tonight, readers, is that pictures DO tell 1000 words. Make sure they are the words you want to tell.


Man Update: date in process of being scheduled with SmartyPants. Firefighter dude (dammit, did I NAME him? I'm breaking my own system down!) is not a great messager despite a profile that claims his great sense of humor and love of sarcasm. He makes me feel like I talk too much. But he's cute. So I'm going to keep messaging him till I run out of anything to talk about. Or his lack of skills make his cuteness morph into less-than-cuteness.