Dating Etiquette

Date Subject: Stage 5 Clinger
Status: Undecided
Kiss: Awesome
Conversation: Easy
Red Flags: A Couple (see below)

Oy, I've been pondering all day the merit of and/or stake in red flags. They sort of niggle at you, and I guess you just have to wait to see if they come to any sort of fruition. It has to be similar to the interview process of a job - not everyone interviews well but it doesn't mean that he or she won't make a super solid employee, right?

That being said, I had a pretty darn enjoyable date overall last night with Stage 5 Clinger (who I can't quite give this name up on yet). We had a nice dinner and drinks after, and the conversation was easy, and the humor was totally on my level. There was none of the craziness weirdness or inherent awkward silence that I keep expecting.

That said, he talked about himself. A lot. And, he keeps mentioning and subtly disclaimering things that lead me to believe he a) jumps to conclusions b) can be needy and c) is totally worthy of being called a stage 5 clinger.

Case in point: I was on the phone recounting what was a definitely awesome kiss to my best friend, only to see a text pop up.

me: "oh please don't ruin this by texting me ALREADY"
bff: "it's totally him, isn't it?"
me: "dammit, yes."

Just a smiley face, but for some reason it bothered me. I am not a fast-paced dater...at least not yet. I like it to be an organic process...which I realize is a little silly to say in the face of an inorganic meeting circumstance such as match.com. However, I think even if you set yourself up to have a higher rate of MEETING people, you still can't fabricate chemistry. (I learned this the hard way with an ex boyfriend) And, it's probably just a personal thing for me that I like an air of mystery about a dude...and that I freaking hate texts like ":-)" and "hey!"...

Maybe I wouldn't if I was totally into a guy?

No, I think I still would. Communicate with PURPOSE, people! That's all I'm saying. If I text you, I damn well will have something witty to say, a reference to make, or a question to ask. Those are all good reasons for texting. i LIKE texting. I just don't like texting 24 hours a day just for the sake of texting.

Luckily he didn't text again today until the afternoon...but it was a "hi!" to which i can only reply "hi!" back, which is annoying.

I want to reiterate that we had a good date. I am just stating these things for the record so I can reference back when we are a) in a relationship and i can admit that I overreacted to these things or b) not speaking and I can say "oh, look, this should not have surprised me.

Also, we established that we wanted to see eachother again. To me, I want to wait a few days, re-establish and make plans. He instead threw the ball in my court "let me know when you're free and i'm there."

Dating quandary: after the initial dates where you meet and chat, i start to need an activity. is this silly? remains to be seen.

So because I had a bunch of questions tonight...oh! followed by my getting on match only to see he was online and to know I was ignoring his recent smiley text for lack of a valid response so i jumped offline at hyperspeed...I googled "online dating etiquette"

Some of what turned up was common sense. Others were interesting, especially regarding how you make conversation. This is the toughest thing so far for me. I know that questions are key, but i hate feeling like your interviewing someone. Stage 5 clinger has interviewed.

On the "OTHER GUY" front, I've been messaging back and forth with a guy that I will currently refer to as Iowa, because he's from a small town there and I feel rude calling him Country Boy. Our messages have space between them, they're light and airy in nature, and I almost find them preferable to Stage 5 Clinger's communication overload approach. It's slower paced but it also isn't as...gosh, I don't want to say overwhelming...but there is something slightly offputting about S5C's need to talk all the time. Which is weird, becuase i LIKE to talk. I LOVE to talk. I talk ALL THE TIME. I just am not ready to talk to someone ALL the time that I just met.

Again, i like talking to SC5...but maybe not as much as I should? Or, again, is this just a personal preference thing?

I don't know. I do know that I wanted to talk to my ex love of my life/current best friend today for longer than he allowed me and I had that same old niggle that I get wherever he's concerned that makes me mad that I still want to talk to him as much as I do (even as a friend).

He is a backstory for another day.

Bottom line: subsequent date is imminent for Stage 5 Clinger (thought WHAT I don't know...or when) and I'm looking forward to hearing back from Iowa, who is striking me as sweet and a little reserved.

And finally, did I mention that despite ALL of this, the kiss was HOT and made me remember that good kisses are out there and that I deserve to find them. And I will. Have no fear. I will.