Today is January 2nd, 2011. This will be my year to re-join the dating world.
I spent four hours (or maybe more but I'm embarrassed to write anything longer than four)with a panel of three extremely opinionated friend creating my online dating profile for match.com last night and committing my first $60 for three months of my life in order to peruse the singles that I deemed my best bet for non-creepsters, gents genuinely looking for love, and meeting guys that I won't want to punch in the face.
After one day, I find that "winking" is a powerful powerful tool and i LIKE it.
So, the winking is like the facebook "poke" except that I never thought of "poking" on facebook as a come-on even though, really, "poking" sounds MUCH dirtier than "winking" if you think about it.
So, a guy winks at you, you wink back, they take that a good sign at which to send you an email. It's like a water tester without having to expend much effort. Why can't we do that at a bar or at the grocery store? Some secret mating signal that is UNIVERSAL (this is key) for a person to go "hey, i think you're pretty" and the person to signal back and THEN the conversation to start! Okay the flaw in this is that in the real world ignoring that sign is much more devastating and embarrassing than someone ignoring your techno wink online. But at any rate, I really like the winking.
So my triumph today is that people have winked at me, which means that I am not the dating/social pariah that I was starting to at least...privately...wonder if I might be.
And let's briefly talk about my state of mind going into these adventures:
EVERYBODY IS GETTING MARRIED!
Now, that statement seems to indicate that I want to, but really, I'm not sure how I feel about marriage. I don't hate the idea, but it does give me the willies. I'm sure if and when I fall madly in love, it will NOT give me the willies. I think the willies come from having wanted to marry someone once upon a time, having that person crush and maim my young heart into lots of pieces, and then, subconsciously, deciding that feeling sucked and maybe I should not love the idea of complete and total vulnerability with another fallible human being.
And, yes, okay, okay okay I know that maybe that's the POINT. Trust, love, etc etc. This is an adventure though, remember? We will start slow on my journey with the hope that I have a revelation regarding the above at some point or with someone.
Okay, but the real problem with the "EVERYBODY IS GETTING MARRIED" is that everybody is pairing off, and while I was perfectly content to share my joys, frustrations, etc with my best friend as much as a boyfriend, all the best friends now have boyfriends.
And this does not even touch on the sad state of Little Red's sex life at the birth of this blog. The less said about that the better, except to say that I have not entered life to be celibate in my mid-20s. By fate and circumstance and some choices on my parts - NONE of which I regret - this New Year also was an embarrassing celibacy anniversary, one that I'm not comfortable with. It's not as simple as resolving to get laid in 2011. Because, clearly, that's a problem that a hot blooded person could solve with theoretically relative ease. The issue is wanting some emotional connection to go with that, um, laying (bonking? i'm not sure the verb i'll settle on for this)
My expectations are this of my adventure: no matter what I hope to have three months or more worth of really fabulous stories to chronicle. Fabulous could mean love of my life, mind blowing sex, getting married in August...and equally fabulous could mean horrific but comical dating blunders that I will save for posterity. At any rate, I am hopeful and realistic about what I am in for.
That all said, I'm realizing I will make mistakes along the way. Today, I was emailing a gentlemen (having mutually "winked" at one another) and thought I was being, well, cute and witty only to discover that maybe you'd have had to met me in person to have cute and witty translate to a relative stranger. I think I succeeded in either turning him off or shutting him down...oh wait, an email may have just come through. Hold with bated breath for the conclusion of today's story...
Bwa ha! Well recovered! Apparently, we're moving from emailing to chatting! The lesson learned today is that even when you blunder, a little bit of honesty about sucking sometimes goes a long way.
So, what comes after chatting?
To be continued...
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