Dear Stage 5 Clinger,
Your red flags spoke volumes. I should have listened. Thanks for finally hammering the point home. I appreciate the lesson that I am taking away from you, which is: pay attention to red flags.
Love,
Little Red
Status Update:
Stage 5 Clinger: Toast
Iowa: 1 generally lovely if slightly boring coffee
Cute Patrick: guy I took the initiative to wink at that messaged me. I have now messaged him - awaiting reply.
New Guy on the Horizon: no name yet. winks have occured, messaging has commenced. He thinks I'm funny (he has no idea!)
The Brief End of the Stage 5 Clinger
To S5C's credit, he didn't text as much last week at my request to "slow our rolls" which I thought was a friendly way of saying "please stop texting me so freaking much" However, when we spoke on Thursday, he sounded slightly resentful and said my own words back to me "I mean, I know you wanted to slow our rolls..." with enough of a snotty voice that I knew he wasn't totally okay with it. I didn't let it bother me and we discussed hanging out over the weekend. I had said my only plans were to go see a movie (appropriately "no strings attached") but I didn't know when, and that I didn't have any plans after and maybe we could hang out.
Maybe he assumed this meant just me and him, but I assumed that he would assume I was with friends and would be asking him to join me afterwards.
You know what they say about assumption....
So, low and behold, I have apparently ticked him off Friday night because he texted and I didn't respond (fell asleep watching a movie in my child's bed - happens, bro!). He is clearly NOT the guy that plays is cool and when a girl doesn't respond assumes she's busy and leaves it alone. He is the guy who, when you don't respond, sends this text "well...okay...have a good night." to let you feel exactly like the neglectful jerk he thinks you are. (I'm recalling him saying that his number one relationship pitfall is "jumping to conclusions" which he thought he'd taken care of - which I told him was still probably an issue to keep on his to do list)
So Saturday rolls around, I go to the movies with a friend (sidebar: that Natalie Portman character was too much like me for my liking. i seriously considered for a moment being able to tell people "i'm not good at the dating thing. people start talking feelings and I shut down") and then made plans once I had secured a babysitter to meet some friends at a bar and then head to a dance club (one that, actually, i had talked to S5C about and he had said he had been and had fun!) So, I'm getting ready, and I text him about meeting up.
And his response to the plans that I have just invited him to join me in...that i LIKE him enough to join me in (okay, secretly, i wanted my best gay pal to size him up, but...he didn't know that):
"Oh....umm...I thought it was just going to be you and me..."
I stared at my phone for a whole minute trying to figure out how to respond to that. Finally, I diplomatically apologized for the confusions and said I'd love for him to come...or if he wasn't comfortable with being around my friends, then no biggie. Easy breezy. I just met you three weeks ago, and, buddy, you can do what you want. Because that's how I am.
That is not how he is. I get two texts back about how he thought was made plans, a slight dig at not answering his text the night before softened only be a veiled annoying thing about "which was fine because you had a good excuse" (my son) which I instantly resent for implying I need any excuses with a dude I've seen three times in my whole life. Sir, I owe you nothing. We are at a stage where we should have nothing but fun. Oh, and he says he's not comfortable meeting my friends...like their my parents...or something...
This is not fun.
I, however, brush it off and say "I promise my friends don't bite, but I understand. Sorry again for the confusion...have a great night!" I do not offer to make other plans just the two of us (though I contemplated it) because...I'm just not sure I want to make other plans. I bustle my kid to my parents, pick up my friend, and make it the bar thinking that we are done for the night when i recieve:
S5C: ah huh. (can't you just HEAR the way this is said?!)
S5C: so, you made plans before or since we made plans on Thursday for tonight?
I read THIS text five times over only to realize he's asking for some sort of explanation as to why I am sitting where I am rather than sitting with him somewhere. I try to think of another easy breezy diplomatic get-outta-jail-free response...and I'm out of them. And...I realize I don't care. If this is what this guy is like three weeks in - holy HELL. I cannot imagine three months in. Nor do I want to. I don't want to be with someone that demands explanations from a relative stranger - especially when it's not like I ditched him! I invited him along! He doesn't have many friends in KC, self-admitted!
So I ignored it. I get one "????" text, which I also ignore in favor of dancing the night away with the gays downtown (sidebar: when I told my mother what I did, she looked at me, raised and eyebrow and said "well, honey, you're not going to meet anyone THERE." I said, "maybe not, but I had a helluva lot of fun.") It's now Monday, and I think it's safe to have sent my opening "dear, john."
the first one bites the dust.
I wish I could devote as much to Coffee with Iowa, but here is what I will say about him. He reminds me a little of a girlfriend's ex-boyfriend who was a little country, generally sweet, kind of shy, and then dumped her butt two weeks before they were supposed to get married in favor of his "best friend" who was a younger girl that had been lurking in the shadows for a year or more. This is halfway a great thing for this guy. Conversation was a little slow going, but THIS type of guy I'm a pro out. I went through a whole awkward man collection phase. My only initial concern is that he's going to be too shy for me, and that my project instincts are going to be more strong in wanting to bring him out his shell and be friends with him. I.e. he may be too passive. If there's anything I've learned about myself from previous dating experiences (successes and failures) it's that I don't do passive.
Although, from s5c, i clearly don't do pushy either.
Fickle, fickle, fickle red head. Reasons why you're single...
So, now, I'm on a mission to translate some of my new contacts into this weekend's date, so that I can write about it (which I don't care my lovely blonde and brunette friends from high school - i'm not PUSHING them away by writing about it!) and keep on track. Officially, I've invested $20 and been on four dates in three weeks. Three with the same guy, but, still. I think I'm moving at a good clip.
In parting, I'm totally intrigued by this guy that winked at me today. He has a headline that reads "love and relationships are something we all require despite their complex and often painful nature" Now, THIS dude, gets it. I need to figure out a name for him though. Unfortunately, he also appears to be from Iowa, so I'm going to have to discover something ELSE about him in order to give him a nickname.
The nicknaming reminds me of my most recent ex-boyfriend. He pretty easily managed to rename every person he met within a conversation. He just GOT people that way. Some time in here, I'll debrief for the sake of comparison the major relationships with men that are currently affecting this little dating excursion.
Not to tonight though. This post is already long enough.
RIP Stage 5 Clinger. May you find some girl that wants your smothering.
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