A very nice looking gentlemen "winked" at me a couple days ago, and I did what I have made my process: checked all his photos for consistency (stage 5 clinger was cute but the pictures were also clearly a few years old), then read the profile for any red flags ("conservative" and "country" tend to be turnoff words for me) and then checked location. This nice looking guy who builds tractors or something lived in Wellsville Kansas. I had to google it to see that it is actually southwest of Gardner - a small town that is about 30 minutes from me. He also had a kid about my own son's age (two). Now, I like the idea of a guy with a kid because he'll understand what it means to, you know, have a kid and the time constraints that you work under (those of you without kids just won't get it until you do - that's a fact)
However, I took stock of all of these details and made a snap decision to not wink back. Becuase - he had a kid and lives 40 minutes away. I have a kid and live here. That was never going to work.
Part of the reason I like the idea of match.com is that you CAN disclaimer things like that up front. What if I had met this cute guy when he was in KC for the weekend having a beer at Barley's with his buddies? Let's say I moseyed up to the bar (okay, I don't really "mosey" anywhere, but for the story's sake, let's say I didn't walk with purpose as I usually do which is not sexy) and we start chatting, exchange slightly tipsy pleasantries, it comes out that he's from Wellsville and my red flag-o-meter goes off but I think nothing of it and we exchange numbers. We text (since chatting on the phone is a thing of the past) and then, much later, I find out he has a child, and he finds out I have a child (because this is not something I drop first thing either) and we both think "this is never going to work"
That seems a bit fruitless - but I'm also young, and maybe I need to sit back, relax and enjoy this process with a little less...industry. Last Saturday when I was choosing to once and for all ignore the Stage 5 Clinger, my dear friend and her boyfriend both looked at me with the "you're thinking too much about this" look. (Now, let's talk about her for a minute. She was 24 before she ever had a boyfriend and then managed to meet the love of her life that she's been with for almost two years. I want the lucky star SHE was born under)
So, I'm getting conflicting advice: do date lots of guys as quickly as you can. don't worry about it so much. you're a mom, that's your priority; it will happen when it's mean to happen. we're glad you're getting out there and talking to boys...just don't talk to TOO many boys. DO be discerning in who you date but don't put up a wall and shut guys down too soon.
I'd like to blame my control freak inclinations on why I don't dig the lack of hard and fast rules when it comes to dating - but i'm a MOTHER. Most of my control freak went out the window once I had my son.
However, being a mom came naturally to me. And my son loves me (he's two - I realize this may change when he's fourteen) pretty unconditionally.
Yet, I'm putting a lot of "conditions" on dating - i.e. logistical advantages plays a factor up front (where it wouldn't in the "real world). And that...well...say "he's logistically favorable" as the first good thing about a guy you're talking to...that's HOT, right? I mean, that's the kind of thing that gets your blood burning.
So, I'm mulling this logistical thing today.
In other positive news, I FEEL more like a girl/woman/hot mama than I have in eons. Or at least in the three years since I conceived my son. I used to, for better or worse, know I could walk into a bar and that there was at least one person I could chat up and make-out with if I wanted to.
Twenty five, mother of one doesn't necessarily want or need to do this BUT it's the FEELING you have to recapture. The swagger, for lack of a better word. It's exactly the same thing I'm attracted to in the opposite sex. You see that guy that looks like he could just HAVE you, if he really wanted to (not that you'd LET him) - that's the STUFF. Making dating or at least men or men's attention or whatever a priority thanks to a) match. com b) this blog and c) listening to some sexy jams has helped me rediscover that certainly part of what attracts men is that you find YOURSELF attractive.
This is no small feat when you look in the mirror before a shower and see a cascade of stretch marks (baby battle wounds) and spend more time out of make-up than in it and still clean up poop from somewhere poop was NOT meant to be at least once a week.
Another positive: dating/men's attention/flirting has put my ass back in the gym. the looming possibility of having to be naked in front of someone (pretty sure of myself here - or at least dreamin' big!) is about the best impetus to work on my jiggly bits that I've had in a while.
Otherwise, there will be a lot of lights-off only hanky panky.
Nothing to really UPDATE on the man front - I'm texting with Iowa. I think I'm going to name this nice funny smart dude from Cerner Smartypants, and I got a message from the firefighter reformed badboy (that's a red flag in itself, right? are bad boys ever really "reformed?") that I owe a response to.
Sidenote: I want to be this couple that lives across the street from me. They're loading their groceries into their house right now. Probably my age. Have a cute freaking dog they got this summer. They just look so HAPPY. She's in sweats with her hair up and he just kissed her on the nose (sickeningly adorable) as they juggled who was going to carry what from the trunk of his SUV. Garage is going down now.
I wonder how THEY met? I wonder if they ever thought, even once, that the other was "logistically favorable?"
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