I departed for a week's worth of wedding madness in upstate New York on Friday the 3rd. Now, one would think that being embroiled in the wedding festivities and planning would make one MORE romantic. Interestingly, it has made me appreciative of those that go to the great lengths my dear friend has gone because never was there a more perfectly crafted, personal and loving union about to take place as this one. What it has NOT made me is anymore desirous of a big white wedding. I'm pretty much sticking to my elopement guns if and when I ever decide contracting myself to another human being sounds like a good plan (which is still doesn't).
I had an inkling that DD was going to be mushy about the separation on the morning of my departure as he drove me to a VERY early flight and held me hand a lot and reiterated at a good clip how much he was going to miss me. I realized I would miss him, but, I was also really looking forward to my trip, my friend, meeting her friends, her fiance's friends, taking a quickie trip to NYC to see MORE friends, etc. etc. and that I would be glad to see him upon my return but not likely to have a moment of misery about DD's absence unless and until my hormones got the better of me (and that's still not the same kind of "missing" i think that DD was talking about).
To my surprise, I really did/do miss DD (still not enough to feel misery over it because I'm having a kickass time) but enough to be able to genuinely return some "miss you" texts with "miss you toos" and not feel like a big liar.
There was a facebook post this week on DD's wall that alluded to the fact that you know you miss someone alot when you're dreaming about them. I thought it was about me, but then the niece who he is helping to move this weekend posted in response with a "thanks!" he quickly corrected her that while he liked her a lot he was in fact referencing "a little ginger woman" who was in upstate ny. Cute.
I did get pretty hormonal at one point (read: horny) and missed him a LOT, which I proceeded to share, which made him a little crazed, which made me happy. I thought it was a good exchange that made me VERY excited to see him when I get home.
It's a strange thing, missing a person. With technology being what it is, you don't really MISS people in the same vein that you once did. Or maybe time seems to pass pretty quickly and, in comparison to the long distance relationship I had with my first boyfriend (who I saw every 3 months) 10 days seems like a blink of an eye. Again, life is going to be understandably harder for him because he's at home and his routine is disrupted whereas I am in a completely different state with different people in a different bed and it's easier to get by. It's almost always harder to be the one left behind (as I have well learned).
I'm just a little surprised at the level at which he appears to miss me. I alternate being flattered, being skeptical, and being anxious that his depth of feeling is greater than mine. That said, I have a strangely comfortable GREAT depth of feeling. Maybe that's why I'm not missing him terribly. I know I will go home to him. I know he's likely to come spend the night the first night I'm home. I know things are so easy and good with us that we will be dating each other in a month, probably two months, probably (all signs at THIS juncture point this direction) in a year. I can see us moving in together. I can even, loathe though I would be to say it out loud, I can see us married. It's just TOO easy. All my freaking out about these things and I feel somewhat like they are INEVITABLE with him.
So, hilariously, last night as I was texting my sentiments regarding how great things were going but that I was definitely still an eloping kind of girl he sent the following text:
"you are soooo smart and so practical. you're not like any girl i've ever met. I want to keep you ALWAYS."
my reaction to this was in this order: 'awww, i'm going to marry him' followed by 'oh shit, i'm going to marry him' followed by 'i better sow some wild oats up here in albany because i'm never having sex with another person because i'm going to marry him.'
some people say i'm damaged, but i think that there are other people in the world who will have had this thought process.
or that's what i'm telling myself so i can sleep at night.
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