KABOOM! (the L-Bomb)

okay, so Albany debauchery aside, I'm having a nice IM chat with DD on the night before I am to return from Albany when he asks how the 10-day separations has made me feel, what I've reflected on, etc. about our relationship. I hate questions like this. He's fishing and I don't want to spill my guts only to have him say "yeeeeeah, I don't see this going anywhere."

I say something vague but true about how much I missed him, am excited to see him, and how 10 days of separation and removal from the, well, sexy times has brought into sharp relief how much I am growing to care about him.

I conclude with my knee jerk jokey nice thing "I like you...aloooot. :-D"

To some serious eye-widening from me, he replies "I think you more than like me."

My surprise quickly shifts to amusement. "Oh, reeeaally?"

He's quick with his response: "I know you like to play it close to the cuff, but, I just hope that even if you can't say it, that you're letting yourself feel it."

Phew. You think I got it bad, do you? Or..or...

"DID YOU GET MY VOICEMAIL?" I demand.

"lol, yes, finally."

Well, son of a bitch. Goes to show you're never fully off the hook.

I muddle around the subject until he finally says "it's okay. I don't want to say it online either."

I don't want to say it at all! I mean, I do...someday...maybe...but, how do I know if what I'm feeling is that!? It's been such a short time! I'm conflicted and start to freak out.

"Are you really freaking out?" my newly married best friend asks me since I'm sitting on her floor while her husband naps and she packs for her honeymoon.

"No...yes..no...maybe," I say, running my hands through my hair and feeling freaked, excited, mortified at the previous night's behavior, elated, and ultimately like I might pass out.

"Don't let him pressure you," is all she wisely advises.

I change the subject in my online conversation after some banter regarding the big emotion talk in our future and likewise a close-out conversation on the green eyed monster that came jetting out of him last week.

Oh lord preserve me from these relationshippy conversations that I have in store for me when I get home!