Oooh, I knew there would be one of these. I KNEW it.
I received a text late this evening that read:
"So I don't know why you can't talk to me or find time to call me back, so that's a little suspect...but I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow or something."
Now, I had just left that long ass voicemail of doom, so I'm very confused by this text.
"I called you!" I reply, wondering if maybe his phone hated me and didn't show a missed call and maybe he doesn't know he has the aforementioned voicemail of doom.
"not according to my phone"
wtf. I start to text him back because it is very late and there are about 4 other people trying to sleep in a house with very thin walls where I'm staying in Albany, but he calls. Sensing a problem, I pick up the phone and head to the kitchen and backdoor where I feel I can talk the most freely without bothering other people into consciousness.
"what's going on?" I ask.
He proceeds to tell me that his youngest daughter has a staph infection of some sort and that has him freaked out. I sympathize and do what I think is a pretty good bolstering act and then tell him what I've been up to in excuse for why I haven't called him on the phone (and stuck to texts...busy, thin walls, etc. all come up). As I'm recounting my quickie trip to NYC, he interrupts:
"where'd you crash?"
"At Adam's" I reply nonchalantly.
"Okay, well, I gotta go. I'll talk to you later," he says, CLEARLY upset.
Now, hold the phone...
"Wait, are you MAD at me?" I want to know.
"No, I just thought we had a conversation about this," he says, miffed.
Uh, I remember a conversation about my guy friends in which I recounted that I had a lot of really close guy friends that I'd crashed in bed with in a pre-baby era. The extent of the conversation was my saying that it had been a college thing to share beds with other man platonically because, well, it was generally unnecessary as an adult and most of my guy friends are married or in relationships.
I bring this exact point up, indignantly. I see you, you little jealousy red flag fucker, from a MILE away.
"I just thought you said it was a college thing," he says.
"I slept on his FUTON. he has roommates. and a girlfriend."
"but you had a crush on him."
I can't recall actually admitting this, but since it's true, I say "yah, for like two days, and then I realized he's a giant geek and more like a brother than either a crush OR a supervisor. would you have rather i paid for a hotel?"
this is a trick question. if he answers yes then we'll really have problems.
"no, but, wasn't there a girl?"
"yes, who lived on staten island," I say.
This means nothing to him so I have to explain the distance and that my friend lives with her parents and that what I did was path of least resistance.
"Does it really bother you?" I want to know, feeling like this is the silliest of all silly things to be bothered about.
We have a quick back and forth where he reminds me he's been cheated on and, he doesn't know Adam, and look at it from his point of you, and blah blah blah until I finally say: "hey, do you trust me?"
"Yes."
"Then don't let it bother you."
See. Simple. Listen to me. I'm smart.
"That's easy to say."
Granted.
"Okay, well, I'm sorry it bothers you."
"Don't be sorry. You didn't do anything. And if you did, you're an honest person and I feel like you could tell me."
O. M. G. Is this conversation happening? You are red flagging UP...you're armoring yourself in crazy jealous guy red flags. STOP, man!
He must sense this as well because he starts making excuses about his bad day and his mood and that he thought I ignored him (I do another happy dance that my voicemail o' doom didn't go through!) and not to worry about it.
I decide to guilt him, because, he deserves it. This is something he needs to get out of his system.
"I'm just sad that this is the first time I've talked to you in 7 days and I feel like you're mad at me," I say.
Don't do this again, DD. This is a suck move. This is a suck move because I have lots o' guy friends and I will fight you about this. This is not about anything more than trust. And you either trust me or you don't (yes, from the girl talking about doing some menial cheating at a wedding...)
And, to that parenthetical end, this behavior ALL THE MORE makes me want to exert my "I will do what I want" independence. You're PUSHING me towards it. Don't jealous people realize that they PUSH people to do stupid things by being stifling?? Idiotic. Dear former love of my life/current best friend, thank you for being totally not the jealous type. I got annoyed for your lack of passion but, I would prefer that to the jealousy.
We talk about it a bit more and I talk him down off the ledge...though he is SERIOUSLY begrudging about the whole thing. The furthest I go is to apologize that he's bothered, I refused to apologize for crashing on my former supervisor's futon in his living room for one night. I won't do it. I have a man friend in Virginia who I have visited before. This conversation is making me want to visit him. To prove a point.
Grrr. DD. Dumb. DD is not longer Divorced Dad but Dumb Dude.
I stop being uppity and breakdown his trifecta, telling him that tomorrow will have to be better than crappy old today. His daughter will feel better surely, I will make a very valiant (though I disclaimer no promises) attempt to call him and tell him how much I like him and can't wait to see him (truths), and that while I can't make his job suck less...2 outta 3 ain't bad. This gets a little begrudging chuckle.
"Cheer up, Charlie," I sing...moving into the song and dance portion of the evening.
DD relents finally, apologizes for overreacting, and we get off the phone. I beeline in here to write about it while it's fresh, and am already planning the conversation we'll have when I'm home to reiterate the important of trust and the fact that the behavior exhibited tonight was of the majorly sucky variety.
Let it be known that on this date - June 10...exactly 8 weeks from our date...that a red flag has been spotted.
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